Anything In Nature Is Never A Waste
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
Yesterday, I worked an 8 hour shift at a grocery store. I work cashier so it was a very monotonous and tedious shift. 8 hours can easily turn into 12 whenever you’re bored like crazy. By the end of 8 hours, it had lost it’s magic.
The grapes were a deep purple that almost looked like they wanted you to eat them, but they were covered in a soft powder it seemed, as if dozing over night and catching sleep in their eyes.
Carrots come in bunches, with stalks on them taller then the carrot itself.
And one of the most popular items was peaches.. a basket of orangey-yellow peaches with small hints of red. They were soft to touch and the smell was divine.
Strawberries have a big place in my heart, and whenever I ring them through the scent mixed with the song “strawberry fields forever” made me want to eat the whole basket.
The printer machine is a frustrated one, he is sleeping until forced to wake up at the end of every order and spit out the receipt, and the receipt for the register. He grew tired of this quite quickly and at some points would stop working. A simple nudge would wake him up though.
At the end of the shift, I decided that it was time for me to have an artsy day. I went to starbucks and bought a coffee and read some of my new book, which I am thoroughly enjoying. I bought it from a little bookstore that is owned by this lady that has read everything inside it. There are books from floor to ceiling and even more little stacks or baskets laying around. The smell is of old books, books that have told stories and are resting on the shelves excited to be read again. The lady reminded me somewhat of a Harry Potter character, with thick glasses a shawl and many suggestions of books with an explanation behind each. I love it there.
I went around downtown, taking pictures of random artsy things, and stumbled upon a mural that had been drawn with chalk. A hop scotch had been drawn with wavy lines and flowers around it, and instead of numbers inside it, there were words. On top of all of this, laying flat and beautiful on the bricked walk was a quote “Anything in Nature is Never a Waste”.
yesterday was a good day.
I want to sleep forever, but I have to clean my room
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
Fly fly hum hum.
I would really like to enjoy the sunshine, but there is a breeze just cold enough and clouds that have been jumping in front of the sun. It’s a little cold.
Beaches are the best part of summer. Long stretches of white sand and dunes taller then me! It was many awesome things.
Sand likes the wind, they cling together and do a waltz around the beach, unfortunate to some people , as the sand will stick you sand. Sand is a very sticky creature. The designs and what not that they make on the beach you can only see for a second! Before you close your eyes so sand doesn’t get in them. They’re beautiful though. Tiny little tornados and swirly things.
Rupert doesn’t like sand, he was mid yawn and the wind and sand waltzed right into his mouth.
Poor Rupert.
Oh, How I’ve Missed This
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
Won't you come out to play?
Well… what to say…
It has been too long, and the thought of me not writing for this amount of time, honestly reduces me to tears… it’s horrible and I’ve missed it dearly.
Im afraid this horrid thing in life has taken hold of me, and I had lost my creative ways and became materialistic; my main worry was about school, and not how the rain looked as it danced off my windows.
Or how birds try to make the most beautiful songs together, and the sun likes to spill colors into the sky like paint onto a canvas.
I’ve missed how bright and colorful life used to be when I wrote, and I wondered what I was missing. I felt funny, almost lost.
This is what happens when you don’t write for a while, you lose all track of your senses… and I figured… I better keep it up. I better keep up my old ways and blog as much as I used to way back when, because… in life that’s the only thing I’ll hold onto and keep close and it will feel real. It keeps me sane, it keeps me smiling and it keeps my creative side flowing.
I am awake at 5am, with no inkling in the world to why I would be awake at this time.
So I have decided to write, write until my brain no longer has thoughts that I have kept back since I stopped writing. My fingers are eager to do this, and seem to dance across the keyboard with an expertese I didn’t know they could muster. The world is still sleeping, and waking up. I feel like Im the only person alive right now, and to be completely honest that idea excites me more then you could ever imagine.
To be the only one awake, the only one to see the world in this sort of life, with shiney dew on the grass that spiders and mice like to play in.
Rupert is most excited too, he feels like he has been hushed for too long, and all the while when I wasn’t writing; he was perched on my shoulder, bored. Whispering things. I had the urge to write. I did, quite often of times. But school and everything else prevented me from being able to, and I think I may have been scared…
Scared? you ask. Well yes, scared. I am not entirely sure why, but an ugly fish story has reminded me of what I used to do, and has made me smile greatly and realize that I cannot venture far from this.
I can take adventures in the fields, in painting, in the world, and away from home.
But… my writing is here to stay… here to live… here to be read… because, without that… I truly cannot enjoy life to it’s fullest degree. I want to thank a dear friend for reminding me of that.
He knows who he is.
xescape is back to stay..I’ve truly missed you all.
Stool Conversations in Bar Madness
Posted by xescape | Filed under Uncategorized
Math has never stuck with me, for most it sticks to them like glue. They comprehend how to put complicated equations in a calculator just right. So it spits out the right answer; unfortunately. It doesn’t not work like that when I do math. Even the simplest equation causes me to pause and think. In math… I really can see if I have a creative mind or not. When drawing graphs i think of waves, and then the ocean, and then the beach. Or I think of flowers. And of course, i start doodling. A lot of my margins are full of swirls and flowered designs.
I think that calculators should have a brain. The calculator is a very angry creature, when it’s used improperly it likes to yell “No ! You dummy! That’s not the right answer!” They stomp their feet and cross their arms. Childish things calculators are.
Rupert is also no help. Oops, after saying this he turned in a huff; but is clearly amused at how much attention I give him. In math class he likes to come up with daydreams, so deep and complex. That I can’t help but falling into them. He has a very creative mind you know. Making you seem normal, and able to comprehend the world around you, but it changes in a blink of an eye. When the daydream sets in.
Hats are funny creatures, they’re made to keep your brain warm but boy… do they smell. They’re so concentrated on keeping your head warm, they forget to take a bath. I think hats are in the need of a long bubble bath. Im not particularly fond of hats.
I want to write a book. A book that makes you think. It makes you smile and laugh and look at things differently… a table topper, i’ll call it. The type that sits on your table and you can flip through and read little cute quotes and short stories that are easily read and have funny little morals to them.
I shall enjoy this process.
I think I defiantly will like it.
A title would be nice though, im sure it will come to me. Most do, even at the most peculiar of moments.
That’s the beauty of creativity. It can strike you in the oddest of places and send you flying.
Are You Running Out Of Breath?
Posted by xescape | Filed under Uncategorized
Hello hello !
Goodness, i feel like a bee. A busy bee, dipping and diving and weaving around flowers, collecting their smelly stuff. To make some yummy honey.
Yum.
Too bad this is not the fun that makes honey, it is the fun that requires too much school work in a short amount of time. I’ve also realized I really can’t study at home. So here I am, at a coffee shop. Studying my brains out. All by my lonesome.
This is going to be short.
..very short.
to the extent where i’ll write more later but for now i need to study! Byee!
Fishing With Gummy Worms
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
Magic in the simple things
Goodness.
I’ve come to quite a few conclusions after last night.
Rupert has too, and after watching snowflakes for hours and the pouting as they melted. He sat content on my shoulder watching the things around me. Tugging at my ear, and asking foolish things; like Rupert likes to do. But, when questioned about his friend Marjorie, and her love for the world. He took a step back. Not Marjorie, but the friends around her were acting foolish. Hanging upside down, walking on their hands. Causing general havoc. Rupert could not grasp the meaning of this and tilted his head quizzically. The music got louder, and a trapeze act started. The acrobats flying around the room, grabbing onto hooks and shelves and various things that they could flip off of and grab something, or someone else. All the while plates were crashing, tables were upturned, stools had fallen over and pictures hung crookedly on the wall. Noone seemed to mind.
Rupert had to leave, he did not enjoy the presence of the acrobats, and almost thought that maybe he was a bit older then them? So, he left early.
Marjorie wasn’t upset. She was too entranced with the acrobats and the lights to realize the foolishness.
The pictures hung crooked on the walls.
There is a ball in my room, it’s not particularly bouncy, but that’s not the magic of it.
Inside there is water, and the ball you can see right through. Someone thought it amusing to fill the ball with sparkly dust and water, so when you throw or bounce it, the sparkles spin and shimmer and make the ball look like it’s moving. How fun. If you press it up to your nose, quickly after lying on your back. The sparkles come crashing down over you, like a sand storm, whirling and swirling before settling once again.
They placed some magic in an ordinary object.
More people need to do this.
You Make Me Laugh
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
Everything's gunna be alrighttt
Have you ever turned on a tap to a perfect temperature, just enough mixture of hot and cold, but the tap clearly does no like it, and screams in protest. I always turn the water a little warmer, so it will stop. After thinking about this for a few moments i realized that, strange appliances have minds of their own. Microwaves beep at us to tell us to grab out food before it eats the food itself. And a toaster, they’re just bouncy creatures, waiting for the moment their spring can bounce before they giggle.
Rupert helped me come up with this conclusion, he is quite proud.
Other then that Rupert has been dancing on snowflakes again. It seems as if he is about to fall on his head soon though. There is a blizzard outside and the ice likes to get stuck to the window. And the wind likes to whistle through the tiny cracks in the walls.
I also quite enjoy watching puppets, walking around on a set stage. With long white strings, played by puppet hands. The puppet master loves creating story lines and expressing them to the audience. But…what happens if the strings get tangled? In large complicated knots. Making the puppet turn into a sadface, their body twisting and turning, trying to be in line with the complicated strings. But see, the strings have stolen the show. They are dancing and looping and turning and laughing. Dipping, Diving, Weaving, Swirling. To no ends. The puppet gets suffocated, losing it’s breath. But then… it remembers. A pair of scissors dangle at the stages edge. The puppet grabs for them, cutting free from the strings and being able to be alive.
I need to find a pair of those scissors. For I have been placed in a very complicated web.
“It’s better to help people than garden gnomes”
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again, Uncategorized
Peer into my world
Dear Readers,
Have you ever started to watch a movie, and fell in love with it after the first scene? This has happenned to me. I’ve also come to discover that I enjoy movies far more when I know the entire soundtrack before watching them. This happenned with Chicago, 500 Days of Summer, and now…Amelie.
I am currently watching this movie and my mind has been filled with thoughts I thought I would have to share. It makes me smile, this movie. And I suggest everyone watches it. It’s on youtube and I almost want a house / life like that for myself. except. I’d like to share it with someone.
Also, news has been brought to me! And I am quite excited. for a week in March (20 – 27) i will be going on a cruise! With my someone andpart of his family. Im not sure if i’ve mentioned this before but I am very excited. Rupert is simply delighted with the news. It’s the first impulsive thing i’ve done, and I love it..
I’ve done another impulsive thing today, and I would like to explain. But for fear someone of some significance reading this post and discovering me, I may have to use some sort of code. Or the metaphors I so often use with my interesting life.
Rupert today was catching fish, and… it was peaceful. A simple activity he could do independently. Loving it so much he didn’t want to stop. He stayed there for hours. Watching clouds, enjoying nature and the calmness of the simple things around him, when a small ripple came. It was very small indeed, at first. And then it became a wave and then it escalated to become a few more. In the end it began to scare away all of the fish. His initial thought was too move. But instead. He took a deep breath and blew it away with all of his might. It flew off like a scared thing and Rupert had felt happy for himself. To avoid this disastrous being.
Everyone should watch this movie, and bath in it’s glory! … I knew there was another word there…bask? … or something. But, unfortunately I don’t know how to spell it.
So it’s now bathe in glory.
This Place I Know…
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
There is this place I know, that’s like no other. In the depths of despair, you can go here and feel happy. The lonely feelings go away. There are secrets everyone holds onto. but, some are better read out loud. anonymously. in a postcard.
PostSecret.
Im not sure if you’ve heard of it before, but i intend to own at least… 6 books from it in my life, and I want to make a few myself too. I’ll ask some people to help. To put in their ideas. And then we’ll make a pocket book, a little reminder of times whenever you’re feeling dreary, a little reminder that maybe….
We’re not so alone.
Breath. In and Out.
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
Paper paper
Write Write
Worry Worry
Is this even right?
No time to think
Hand it all in.
Stress Stress
Garbage in the bin.
Assignment
Essay
Project
Journal
Paper
…
I hate school.
I wish I had something charming to say.
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
Dear bloggers,
Today was a thinking day. I could tell by square one. and while I’ve been brought to tears by some new information. My anxiety has been working in over load, to the extent where I feel as if I should admit a few things to myself… My anxiety is working up again, and I have tears in my eyes. Goodness I hate when this gets the better of me. Truthfully I do.
But, the thing is. They always will. I really need to get a hold of this. But… there are bigger things on my plate right now.
So first things first. My first …secret, let’s say. (I also feel totally comfortable relating these things to you…as not many read my blog..and if they did they may have been shunned away by my lack of posts for the past month… Was that a defence mechanism you ask? Too many people reading about your life? … Maybe subconciously. I think I just got scared myself.)
This year. I chose to spend an extra week of march break in the carribean. On a cruise. With my boyfriend. It’s the week before midterms..and… honestly. I feel like it’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life.
Not only have I never ever done anything for myself like this before. But…Im trying to just, remember my last year at highschool as something bright. And lively for my last year … because.. in general highschool has just sucked for me, thinking back to it. And I am more then ready to leave. So for once, I did something impulsive. Something that I can look back on and like. And something I can say was my own decision.
I couldn’t be more excited.
Another thing, and this may be harder to admit to myself… I miss being the almost-too-thin skinny that I was… It was there for all of the wrong reasons. And I realize I look a hell of a lot healthier now…but … I miss looking that… well… beautiful.
Honestly, it scares me that I think like that.
Rupert has been struggling to walk. He has a package in each hand, one on his left foot and one on his head. While attempting to cross a tightrope. This is not a fun task. The circus was not made for him…
Poor Rupert, he doesn’t mean to cause any harm.
I also have a terrifying fear of driving when there is snow on the ground, a) i went into the ditch a couple of weeks ago. A deep ditch, after spinning out and then flying into it pretty quickly. Scared the pants off me. and also b) you cant see the lines on the road very well, so im always scared im too far in the middle and im the driver thats going to piss everybody off.
I’ve calmed down a bit…Goodness… I really have missed this.
Thanks for taking me back.
Is It Alright If I Lose Track Of The World?
Posted by xescape | Filed under Hello again
I draw my trees like this (:
Hello friends,
It’s been too long.
With the assumption that in English class this year we’d keep journals. I was excited, I had a reason to create posts daily and I could keep up with it quite well. Unfortunatly, the assumption was wrong, and it turns out that I do not have to keep a journal for that class. Although, maybe it would be a good idea to assign myself this each night.
My sanity has been on the brink of completely insane. I find myself day dreaming in more then one scenario, my focus shifting elsewhere, to better places. To the point where I am talking to myself. I lose myself in this land of make believe, where everything happens and I understand why.
It doesn’t start out very complicated, and it’s becoming more and more easy to fall into. And I began to wonder, “Why am I not writing this down?” I mean, I can’t very well talk to people about these images flying through my head, or even the conversations I have with myself. They’ll put me in a looney bin!
I mean, how many people honestly sit there and have conversations with themselves?
This is what happens when there is too much quiet around me, the silence builds and spills over and then im forced into dream world where I can fill the silence myself.
Insanity is fun.
Rupert has been tugging at my ear and hair trying to get me to write.
Im not sure why it stopped. Fear maybe? .. I need to keep up with this blog. It’s the only chance I have for people to hear my voice.
Also, can I mention how dumb and stupid the Olympics are? And how the ENTIRE world has been put on hold to watch people compete in stupid sports games. Where people spit, and get hurt, and swear. It’s no longer about how well people do, if they beat their personal record time before etc. It’s about who gets to stand on that big shiny podium with those stupid, soon to be forgotten, medals around their necks. I mean… some guy DIED and we are still continuing on with the games like it never happenned? That’s fair to the family right? Also, we’re spending unreasonable amounts of money on these things, when we could have just… updated our old Olympic stadium? the last one we used? but of course not! They need to spend millions on shipping in snow to a melting British Columbia.
I am not impressed.
I Can’t Believe This…
Posted by xescape | Filed under Gee-Whiz!
Something I have lived by for many a years is that people need to live for the moment. We need to stop being so worried on what everyone else thinks and on what everyone wants from us. We need to live OUR own lives the way WE want to live.
So go. What’s stopping us from completing this goal, this goal of being what we’ve always wanted to be. To strive and shine and just… love everything we do.
Do you know what stops us? The fear of failure. The fear of rejection. The fear of being irresponisble.
To live for the moment means you don’t worry about the future, but I know (myself included) that when I make choices I try to anticipate what will come of me if I do this. You think, well I better not do that because I have a test tomorrow, because I have to work. Because I have to do something else in life that will be important at that moment. Which means that the moment you passed up is completely gone.
That moment that could be life changing, the moment that could have turned and made things different forever. Is gone. It has completely passed you by. You missed out.
It was a good party.
I wish that things were easier to just… live by the moment.
I’ve been afraid to write here because I fear that my writing won’t be good enough. I also feel mentally drained from all of the stress I am under right now, and have been suffering greatly for it…
I wish that my parents would just… understand that I do need to see him more then 2 nights a week. That he does keep me sane and brings some happiness into my life. I mean… my family does too. But not in that way…
I realize I am young and I shouldn’t be saying this yet because that means I am dependent on someone already. But… it’s not that im dependant it’s that im not lonely anymore. And stuck with my own thoughts. I just, want someone around that I can talk to, and can vent to and can understand me. Give me hugs when I need it. etc etc..
I mean, I am sure I could with my parents. But.. again. It’s not the same at all.
Here I am. Crying again. Im so frustrated. Im frustrated with school and everything else. Exams are coming up and I have SO much to do before then, and it’s to the point now where I am just so frustrated with all of it that I don’t even want to try anymore. I just… don’t I just want it to be over. And for this year to pass.
I want this year to be over, and for my next to start, and I have some knowledge of where I am going.
I am just so tired of trying to work my ass off to just accomplish very minor things. I am tired of stressing and all of this bullshit in life that i am just getting ridiculously sick of. I want it all to end.
I want to live for the moment. I do. I want to be able to live for that moment and to not be under complete control by my parents all of the time. It aggravates me beyond that they can just say no and of course i have to be okay with it or they will take away all of the happiness i have in life?
Im wondering now. What happiness?
I hate school.
Im starting to hate my job.
My friends have been very distant, or at least I have from them..mentally that is.
Teachers are expecting a lot, and are asking so much and so much energy and focus that I just can’t seem to muster. I can’t come up with creative ideas. I try to. I really do. But then it just turns out wrong in every way and I can’t seem to get it right.
All of my drawings have been disasters because of the stress i’ve been under this year. I have hardly touched my new camera, because I do not have the time for it.
I am so tired of feeling like this. Mentally drained. I just want to sleep it all off, but that doesn’t work either.
I am not sure if a year off is what I need, or just the fact that I want a break from everything. I am tired of dealing with this. I am tired of feeling this distance, and this anxiety over stupid marks.
Yes, i know i need to pull myself out of it. and I know I can. I also know that I need to stop worrying about my marks and everything else. But the thing is. I do. I worry a lot and I cannot keep fighting the fact that I need these marks for next year. For the rest of my life basically. Teachers make university and college seem so scary, and I tend to over think things as it is.
My head is just.. ready to explode…
It basically already has.
I’m feeling drained. Lost. And forgotten.
Why can’t I get this right? Why can’t I get 90′s?
I know this is really really sad, and probably a bit pathetic to say, but i feel like i need the high marks. I do. I am a smart girl. I know I can get high marks. I just have to strive harder. I can. I don’t go to the highschool parties. I don’t do drugs, Rarely do I drink. So I need to have something else going for me.
And that is my marks.
Too bad my mind won’t let me think that they’re going anywhere good.
I just, I don’t know what to do…
Help.
Please.
Im sorry if I’ve put anyone in a bad mood with this post. I do.
I just needed to vent and I feel like I get my words out best here.
Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?
Posted by xescape | Filed under Gee-Whiz!, Uncategorized
LaundraMatt Stories
Happy New Year. Merry Christmas. Seasons Greetings and I hope everyone enjoyed their break. I know I did. With my blog constantly in my mind, I’ve got a list of things to discuss!
Unfortunately, snow dancing may not be my strong suit, with winter arriving where I am a month (at least) ago, there has yet to be a school delay or cancellation. Which is indeed quite frustrating.
Ice has fallen and settled in sheets, making every step and move very planned out. I’ve been told to keep my chin up while walking, but im afraid with roads sidewalks and everything else like this, I must watch my feet for fear of landing on my ass. Ice is indeed pretty though, when the light catches it; especially when it’s created a lovely bed ontop of a lake. It sparkles and shine. And while this is quite bright on the eyes, it is indeed lovely to look at. Unfortunately, when snow plows and mud and rain mix in with it, creating slush and muddy slush at that. It reminds me more of the mud pies I so favoured making as a small child; although I wouldn’t like to touch or make pies with this mud. It’s far too cold for me.
It’s ironic really. I live in Canada and detest cold, winter, wet and cold feet. Unfortunately this fate is inevitable when you live here. It’s far far too cold.
Baths are quite lovely though. With bubbles and the likes, smelly soaps that warm your toes right up. In my bathroom the tiles are very amusing to look at. They have a design on them that is not set in stone, they’re tiled and full of many strange designs. Reminding me of an art project I was lucky to do last term. We splattered paint onto a piece of paper and were to find the shapes of animals, strange things, and whatever else we could see. It was quite interesting to look at and it was a lot of fun to do. That’s exactly what I do with my bathroom walls, looking at the walls and finding dancing cats and swimming birds and women with long hair. It’s quite fun.
I got to perform an act that was almost like magic. A friend needed assistance in dying her hair. So here I was on her floor, her sitting on a ratty towel with a ratty t-shirt in front of me while I spread goop all over her scalp. A lovely image im sure that creates. It was amazing to see, while it looked almost like goopy and well, quite disgusting while I put it on, I watched as it stained her skin and her hair a different color. Of course, turning quite darker then we had anticipated. But that is to be expected with fresh dye. It was very pretty. And quite fun to do.
I do know though. I could never be a hair dresser.
Well, I am off. I have an art project to complete, while im sitting on my couch with a blankie drinking Arizona Green Tea and watching “My Fair Lady” I do love Audrey Hepburn.
Eh… I could of sworn I heard giggling behind me, and I must admit I am freaked out… I hate being afraid of the dark. It’s not fun. I just consistently come up with the conclusion that I really need to stop watching horror movies, one in particular. Paranormal Activity. Scared the daylights out of me.
Anyways, as I was saying. I shall write later.
Ta ta folks.
Tags: Little Bit of Luck
